Monday, December 26, 2016

My 2016 Birthday Card From Alex


Song:  Bridge Over Troubled Water

Artists:  Simon and Garfunkel



Although I have said this before...
it needs to be said every once in a while.


Having children is not your right (morally).

When you decide to have children...
their rights supersede your own.

YOU...
have the choice to have them...
they have none.

In any decision or action...
you must be capable and willing.

Not everyone should have children.

Unless you can provide them with adequate nutrition, housing...
an education...and most of all...
a warm loving family atmosphere...
you need to work on your life... 
before having them.

As my mother in law has said before...
"Even a bird knows not to lay any eggs until its nest is built."


When you decide to have children...
it no longer is about you.

Some people wish to dedicate themselves to their work...exclusively.

Some don't wish to work at all.

Others wish to live life hedonistically...
going from one short term thrill to the next.

While others are so self absorbed that they carry around a picture of themselves
 in their purse or wallet.

What is especially bad is when a single person has a framed picture
of him or herself on their wall.

These are not people who should have children...
until they can fall out of love with themselves...
so that they then can possibly love another...
more than themselves.


I did not marry until I was 35 years old.

I had always wanted at least a son.

However...
I wasn't ready to have a family at that time.

My wife and I decided to travel and enjoy our lives together some
 before completely settling down...
so we would have no regrets...
and so we could dedicate ourselves to our child.

Only when I had felt an emptiness...
an unsatisfied urge to have more in life...
did I think it was time to have a family.

As my wife is quite a few years younger than am I...
there was still time.

I was already 40 years old...
 I was in a solid career...
and we decided then to start a family.

About one week after our decision...
my wife had a positive pregnancy test.

A short while later...
we bought a big house in Ripon, CA for Alex to grow up in...
and one in which he could grow to love
(which wouldn't be finished being built until Alex was about 3 months old...
and where Alex grew up until he was almost 11 years old).

I was almost 41 years old when my son...Alex, was born.

He has been the best thing in our lives ever since.

Alex's happiness is our happiness.


I had my time as a single person.

My wife and I had our time together as a couple before having a child.

Only when our son was born did life become dramatically more special...
far more endearing and colorful.


I have two points to make here:

1)  Build your nest before you raise a family.

Young men to be...
a message:

While a family may be raised with both parents working...
or with only one parent...
it is usually not by conscious design.

A family has the best chance with one working full time...
and with one being at home full time.

Why?

Because a child's mind grows by leaps and bounds 
when it is fed a steady diet of great love and affection...
along with constant intellectual stimuli.

A child whom is deeply loved and cherished...
and constantly engaged with his mother...
who in turn...teaches him how to read early
through direct association with a loving atmosphere, great encouragement...
 and fun...
learns to love learning.

He actually responds physiologically by creating far more neuronal connections
in his brain.

This is a positive spiral.

Through constant encouragement to learn...
he becomes better able to learn for the rest of his life.

This is why...
at least until the child is the age of 8 or so...
it is called the formative years.

(Don't believe the nonsense that only till age 5 is important.
A child's brain continues to form most connections at a greatly accelerated rate
until he is 8 years old.  However, many connections in his forebrain (emotional control)
aren't fully formed until age 25 or so...or in my case...never :)

Who fulfills this role better than a mother with great maternal instincts
with a close and personal one to one intimate bond?

NONE

This is not only far better for the child...
but, in general...
leads to a greater rate of progress for society.

This is the way we had planned the future of our family.

I had prepared my life to be able to make enough money
so that my wife could be a stay at home full time loving mother.

This is all part of preparing your nest.

Think about possible careers early on, while still a child.

Guide your educational efforts towards fulfillment of this goal.

With a dream guiding your efforts...
all efforts then become effortless.

You will develop drive to achieve your dreams.

So...
to the young men...
if you wish to be able to provide this type of life for your family...
you need to learn as much as you can while young.

This means staying in school...
and picking a career in a profession where you may do this for your family.

For young women to be...
you must also be highly educated...
in case you wish to pursue a career...
or if you wish to become a stay at home mother.
Either way, you will still need to be highly educated...
so you may then teach your children.

For men thinking that most women want careers
so it would be hard to find a woman who wishes to stay at home...
believe me...
once you get your education...
and especially, when you get into a successful career...
there will be many women who seek you out as a potential mate...
and who will love to be a stay at home mother.

There are still many women who wish to become a stay at home mother.
You will have your pick...
ONCE you become successful.

So...
in short...
if you wish to one day marry a princess...
you must first make yourself into a prince.

A prince or a pauper...
it is your choice.

In America...
it is always entirely YOUR choice.

You are allowed to reap what you sow.

However...
this is a double edged sword.

If you don't sow...
you have no one to blame but yourself when you have nothing to reap.


The formula is quite simple...

D + P + DG = S

D = Dream, which gives you Direction, which in turn, gives you Drive.

P = Plan, which, without one, renders your dream into a mere pipe dream.
Know what you want to become and know what it takes to get there.
Simply stay the course until fruition.
Never give up.

  DG = Deferred Gratification, which prevents you from pissing away your dreams
by chasing short term pleasures which could sabotage your long term plans.
Self Denial also charges the batteries of your drive.
When you know that you can conquer your inner demons...
you know that you may then conquer your world
(Master yourself, and you shall then become the master of your universe).

These then lead to:

  S = Success

Yes...
it really is this simple.



My second point...


So...
how does it feel being a father?

With a child raised in a fully supportive and loving family atmosphere...
life becomes magical...
not only for your child...
but for you...
the parents.


Pure MAGIC.








2 comments:

  1. Great pearls of wisdom for sure. It would be great if every young man (and woman) thought as you did. And what a wonderful card from Alex... must have brought a tear to your eye.

    ReplyDelete
  2. His cards carry such deep and special meaning because Alex is a very deep and caring person. He is very sincere and pure hearted. Hand made cards are always the best, as they carry the original thoughts of the bearer of the card.

    I inwardly cringe when I hear some of the youth of today talk about getting a job instead of seeking higher education in preparation for a true career. All they have to do is think a little further down the road instead of just about today. They just don't realize how little time we actually have in life, especially to prepare for it financially.

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