Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Alex's Lesson In Empathy Movie Night - WS I



Song From The Korean Drama "Winter Sonata":  My Memory (Piano)






I titled this article "Alex's Lesson In Empathy Movie Night - WS I"...
because I am showing Alex these dramas for the expressed purpose
of them being a study in human nature...social conventions
(we, in America, have a lot to learn from the Asians in this respect)...
about deep emotions and in the way they are expressed...
and especially about how a relationship between a man and a woman...
is sacred in the heart...
that it is love which binds the two...
 that true love is unselfish...
 that how the other person's welfare naturally comes first and foremost in your mind...
and of how it is demonstrated through your long term actions
(and, of course, he may expect the same from the other).

This, of course, does not preclude relatively small arguments...
but, in the large picture...
there is always caring and fidelity...
and thoughts of the long term.

It is this concept which keeps arguments in their proper perspective.

Arguments in caring relationships often happen because people wish to rectify
relatively small problems before they become chronic...
or so acute, that the long term is sacrificed.

I am, of course, preparing Alex for the inevitable arguments
with someone whom he will fall in love with, and by whom he will be loved...
that it won't necessarily be a failure of love...
that short term problems need not blow up into long term ones
(and to explain why my wife, and I, argue so often  :)

Arguments and misunderstandings are played out in these dramas.
They sometimes lead to far more damage than each had wished...
but they clearly demonstrate that what was really at fault...
was a lack of clear, open, and honest communication.

In these dramas...
when people finally do communicate clearly, openly, and honestly...
most of the times...
there is a successful conclusion to the original problem.

(I use the commercial breaks (HULU Plus) to explain these things to Alex)

Another important point I try to impress upon Alex...
is that with clear, open, and honest communication...
the argument comes to a logical conclusion.

This is what is important in an argument...
not winning.

Establishing that which is right...
 is the goal.

It is in the establishment of right...
that a correct path will have been lain on which both may then
walk forward in unison...on truth...for the betterment of both.

This means that...
blame is important
(of which must be correctly placed...and not feared).

What?

"It is just playing the blame game"...
"It is all a matter of perspective"...
"Nothing is ever black and white"...
blah...blah...blah.

First of all...
"the blame game"...
is when someone tries to falsely place blame on others...
not where it belongs...but where it shouldn't be placed...
most often in an attempt to escape their own guilt
(of course, when time is a factor...
the priority is to stabilize the situation first.
But when things are normalized...
the correct identification of the original problem must happen
to prevent reoccurrence of the situation).

Blame is the mere placement of responsibility where it belongs...
the correct identification of the problem...
as the first necessary step to the rectification of the problem
(other than a shotgun approach...
which then denies much potential good...
as well as never solving the original problem).

Without this...
the same problem keeps cropping up...
there is no hope of ever correcting the original problem.
The same argument is destined to be repeated...ad nauseam. 


"The world is subjective...
it is all a matter of perspective"...

"Nothing is ever black and white".

NO...
the world is objective.

It is people who mistakenly prioritize their
feelings over that which is reality
(other than in a truly subjective realm).

There is clearly cause and effect.
This means there is logic.

And this means...
regardless of our knowledge, or acknowledgement, of its existence...
there is right and wrong.

If there is right and wrong...
there is the need for the establishment of the wrong...
and its location...
 so the problem may be corrected. 

If nothing is ever black and white...
then there is no possibility of anything ever being wrong or correct...
there is no good or evil...
it is anything goes.

Clearly not.


The above statements are just some of the ways
with which people most often use to escape ever having to admit they are wrong.


What my lesson was for Alex...
 in his second installment viewing of "Winter Sonata"...
was simply...
clear, open, and honest communication
(and a logical progression of thought)...
plus the acknowledgment of correctly placed blame...
equals the formula for correct problem resolution...
in love...and in life.

(Not that the formula always works for me.
It must be somewhere in the application where I sometimes fail  :)


With this...
people are very forgiving of mistakes...
and you may also forgive others easily
(not to say that all acts or omissions are forgivable). 

True misunderstandings between people then become more rare...
the more they get to know each other.


A true...
 open, and buoyant heart...
a sense of inherent goodness...
 is what Alex has.

It is what I wish him to never lose.

It is through these dramas that I wish to reinforce in him...
this state of being.

It can be summed up in the prayer said
by "Ebin" in "The Thirteenth Warrior"...
just before, what he had thought...
was to become his final battle:

"For all we ought to have thought...
and have not thought...

 all we ought to have said...
and have not said...

 all we ought to have done...
and have not done...

I pray thee, God...
for forgiveness".


Although we are not religious...
it is a beautiful prayer.


Often...
what is thought or said by a person
whom is faced with the probable extinction of his existence...
is a summation of what he truly holds dear in his heart.


 How I wish Alex to live...
is to not have regrets...

by...

 thinking all he ought to have thought...
saying all he ought to have said...
doing all he ought to have done... 

all without fear...
all without hesitation...
and with full knowledge that it is the correct way to live and love.





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