Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Note To Young Couples



Song:  Thanksgiving

Artist:  George Winston



This is just a quick article from a middle aged family man.

In the overall scheme of things...
I am very happy
(sure...minor day to day frustrations...nothing major)

I love life so much...yet if I were to die tomorrow...I could do so without regrets.

My greatest happiness in life?

My son Alex.


The timing of my son's birth...
preplanned 
(yes...he was not only planned...but on our first try!)

When I say preplanned...
I mean in our readiness to have a child as the center of our lives...
more important to us than anything else.

We were able to focus our attention on him because we had already lived 
our lives fully (traveled...had our adventures together)...
so we would never feel as if we had missed something in life...
and so, not have our full attention devoted to our child.

I was almost 41 years old when my son was born.
I am not saying this is the optimum age for parents...
it just took me that long to mature enough  :)

We also preplanned his conception through coordinated action to
 timing of ovulation (sorry...I tried to be as nondescript as possible)...
and various other means to favor conception.

To all young couples...
children can wait until you are financially stabilized...
until you have a home for them
(my mother in law says, "Even a bird knows to build a nest before it lays eggs!")
until you, as a couple, have lived a few years of adventure...
of travel, of getting to know each other well...
so you won't feel robbed of life...
so you may fully dedicate your lives to his/hers.


So why did I really wait so long if being a parent is so wonderful?

Because...
having a child was not something to make me happy...
it was being able to have someone whom I could make happy.

In order to do this...
I had to make sure everything was in order in my life.

When I was ready...
I had already taken stock of my life.
I had to make sure I was worthy of being a father...
someone who could provide a safe, stable, and nurturing life for him...
someone with enough life experience and maturity...
to lead a child in life...
 to teach him the ways of the world...
to share life experiences with him...
all without regret.


The questions to ask yourself are NOT...
Do I want a child now?
Will he make me happy?
Will he solidify our marriage?

The questions to ask are...
Am I ready to devote my life to my child?
Can I provide full love and nurturing for him?
Can I provide all the optimum conditions worthy of a child?
Am I now worthy of a child?
Am I willing to make my time...his time?

Finally...
always remember...
we had the choice to have them...
they didn't.

It is we who owe them...
not they who owe us.

Our return on our investment?

Love...
the deepest love one can experience...
the love for your child
(a selfless love which naturally leads to a love of life...of everything around you).


There is this old wise saying...

You know you are living and loving fully when you no longer fear death.
You no longer run from things in life...
you forevermore run towards love and life.

Ok...I just made that one up  :)


2 comments:

  1. Well said. It seems like such common sense, but I am too often amazed when (mostly younger) people want to have a child for all the wrong reasons.

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  2. I, too, have often seen this. It is sometimes scary when I hear people talk in a manner which suggests selfishness. I fear for the future of their children. Especially when I hear parents talking of their young children as if they were adults in decision making. They essentially want to blame them for not making the right choices in life and that they wish them to have to suffer the consequences of their (mostly) inactions...as in not studying (long term)...etc. It is a laissez faire attitude of non caring. They don't wish to blame themselves for not putting in the effort and would just rather blame a child for not being an adult (blatant stupidity...a child is a child preciously because they don't have the capacity of an adult...prefrontal lobes don't fully mature until after adolescence...rendering adequate long term decision making a challenge. That is why they need adult leadership. Most are short term thinking emotional beings...Lord of the Flies anyone?

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