Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Home Schooling - Guarding And Leading Our Children



Song:  Silent Lucidity

Group:  Queensryche



(This is aimed at the young...inexperienced parents)

You should always use Positive Reinforcement as your mainstay.

This is for those times where something either must be done or not done...
and the child simply continually refuses...
especially when time is of the essence.

I know I preach a lot...
not only because I am self aware...
but because I am told this over and over again...
by many people  :)


I used to keep most things to myself...
until I gathered more experience in life...
and realized how many times I could have made a difference 
in someone else's life...
had I just said something...
had I just illuminated an issue that...
although was basic common sense...
the person was either too close to the issue...
and so, too emotional about it...
and could not think clearly...
or simply had not thought about it from that 
certain perspective.

I have had many times in my life (younger years)...
where the words and heartfelt delivery
of someone had made me pause and reflect...
to think it through and put everything into perspective.

There were many wise men in my life...
all of whom had put me on to a better path in life.

They were sometimes severe in their admonishment...
but had always done it to ensure the path I had walked 
was a correct one.

After I had simply thought it through...
I realized two basic things...

One:  They were, in fact, correct.

Two:  They had cared enough to take the time and effort 
to correct me.  

It is the person who, ultimately, does not care...
that says nothing.

They sometimes delivered the message harsher and harsher...
(had I repeatedly not done the right thing)
until I had gotten it...
and by doing so...
were my moral guardians.

They had chosen to be my teachers and my guides in life.

They sometimes had to punctuate it physically...
(Martial Arts / Army)
to ensure the lesson was one I would never forget...
as the issue at hand was too central to living life well...
or too important to the well being of others to simply let go.

They steered me in the right direction by whatever means necessary.

They are the ones in my life...
whom are remembered most fondly by me.

It was such a privilege to have been under their watchful eyes.

It is to them, I owe a great debt.


So...what has this got to do with our children?

We, as parents, must be resolved to be...
above all else...
our children's Guardians and Leaders.

Our children being on the correct path in life...
must take precedence.

It must come before our personal honor.

Some people falsely believe they cannot tell their 
children to not do that which they had done as a youth.

To have them on the correct path supersedes telling the truth if necessary.
Always remember... that doing the right thing is what matters.

If it means lying to keep them on the correct path...
then the lie must be told to protect them.

As parents...
our personal honor takes a back seat to our children's needs.  

To forgo personal honor...
in the protection of others...
 is what is truly honorable.


It must come, if necessary, at the expense of momentary
affection from our children
(they will see that temporary chastisement is, ultimately, love in action).

It must come before the feelings of over protectiveness.

In this day and age...
it really is very difficult to be over protective.


It must come at the expense of being their friend.

The ones who had corrected me by what ever means necessary...
were my true friends in life.

They were the ones who cared more about me...
the ones who ensured I got on the correct path in life...
rather than merely enjoying a momentary walk at my side
in life...and so...enjoying themselves in the process.

They were willing to sacrifice a friendship to be a true friend to me
(The possibility of a sacrifice was in their minds only...
I quickly realized what a true friend they were being).


I have sometimes scolded my son so severely...
that he had to choke back tears.

It breaks my heart every time I see tears in my son's eyes.

But...it is not about me.

As a parent...
it is all about him.

It is all about him being on the correct path in life.


A child under your roof...
is a child under your protection and guidance.

To allow them to take off to whereabouts unknown...
is to forgo your sacred duty as a guardian.

To allow them to take on unhealthful habits...
because you think that it is their life...
is to forego their guidance in life
out of a misplaced sense of social loyalty...
or friendship of your children
over that of your sacred duty to guide them.

To have them drive before they are mature
and responsible in demonstrated actions...
and to give them a high horsepower car...
instead of a reliable and safe car
(just this side of a tank)
is to want to be popular with your children...
over that of your sacred duty to protect them
from all dangers...
even from themselves.

To think that it is society's responsibility to raise your child...
to bear the complete burden of educating them...
is to forgo you sacred responsibility of leading your child.


 To be willing in mind...
steadfast in action...
following through with that which is ultimately right
for your child's life...
is to be a parent.


It is to guide and lead them to that which is correct
(healthful and to the great benefit for your child...
Physically / Intellectually / Emotionally...
 in the long run).


Never get bogged down in the false concept of moral relativism.

It is sometimes necessary to yell...
and not allow them to yell...
to get and hold their attention...
when you have exhausted lower means of correction.

It is sometimes necessary...
to be far more stubborn than they...
to overcome their stubbornness...
so long as you are stubbornly correct.

It is sometimes necessary to be a tyrant...
where you must not allow them to be...
to ensure their safety.

It is sometimes necessary to have a closed mind...
there are things in life that are...
 incorrect...
dangerous...
flat out wrong.

To have an open mind is to consider all variables...
and to then render a logical decision...
and act upon it.

Unless new situation altering variables 
come into the picture...
not altering the path is not having a closed mind.

It is not being wishy washy.

You should have a closed mind to any thing that
could negatively affect your child.

There are simply so many correct and beautiful things in life...
it is those who never stand their ground on those correct ways...
that have closed their minds to that which is right.

They falsely believe that to never commit is to have an open mind...
to think that there is no right or wrong because they don't wish 
to have others think that they only see things in black and white...
that they are falsely rigid.

Being correct means having to be sturdy
where others turn to mush...
realizing that mush only conforms to the shape in which it is placed.

By taking charge...
knowing what is right...
doing what is right...
and most importantly...
having them do what is right...
and ultimately having them take charge
of their lives through correct choices

(they must not be allowed to make incorrect choices -
possibly life altering ones...
explain the reasoning...be the tyrant if necessary)

teaches them to be a leader themselves.

A leader knows what needs to be done...
and knows how to get others to do that which 
must be done.

That is what it takes to be a parent...
a Guardian and a Leader...
above all else.








4 comments:

  1. You are right, of course, that we must be our children's guardian's and leaders, and to teach them to follow the right path. But the challenge, I think, is finding the best way to do that, and it may vary by the circumstance. In some instances, not all, a soft voice may be heard better than a loud one. In some instances, not all, a lesson may be better learned by allowing the child to make a small mistake, so that he won't make a bigger one later. But I know what you are saying... it is about the child, not about ourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Absolutely...by all means...exhaust all lower means of teaching and correcting first....but should those fail...especially where time is of essence and safety is concerned...you must be willing to do that which is distasteful to ensure the child is doing that which will benefit him.

    By not allowing them to make the wrong choices was in the context of them making life choices while still under your roof...(wanting to stay out all night with friends...clubbing...etc....not the insignificant consequences suffered as a small child would have to suffer).

    I can sum it up here...

    Might does not make right.

    However...right must have might (and use it if necessary).

    Otherwise...wrong wins by default.

    ReplyDelete
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