Saturday, January 8, 2011

Home Schooling - The Concept Of Fault And The Art Of The Apology

Cavatina (Theme from the Deer Hunter) 
Composer: Stanley Myers

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To know when and how to admit fault
and to correctly apologize for it...
is very important
for all to learn.

 To acknowledge Fault is to take the first step
toward the rectifying of a derailed situation.

It, so importantly, frees others from suspicion 
and builds trust among all involved.

So long as there is no pressing need to rectify the situation
immediately...
then, finding the person at fault (Virgin Guilt)
IS important...
as this is not only the person who needs to make amends...
but the identification of the problem...
is so often the first step to resolving it...
and to ensure its unlikelihood of re-occurrence.

Why the need to find the Guilty party?

One who is never held accountable...
who never has to bear the brunt
of fault...
becomes a tyrant.

There will always be people...
who because of their displeasure in their place in life...
will try to bring others down...
so as to not feel so low in comparison to them.  

It is basic long term solving...
by tackling the short term battle.

Never sacrifice the long term for the short.

Now, the general statement below
does not apply when a situation needs immediate correction.

This is also a general rule....
not a golden one...
if in doing so...
you risk the long term...
take it up at another time.


IF..and ONLY IF, you are wrong...
you owe more than the utterances of apology. 

You have drawn first blood. 

You must expect them to be angry..
of course, in appropriate relation to the offense. 

You allow that. 

You correct the offense...
and, this is important...you pay back..with interest.

Do not apologize if you KNOW you are right
(be assertive...fight the good fight...the honorable one). 

If someone tries to make you apologize
for something they had done...
they are seeking dominance...
should you cave in...
the short term effect may be one of 
"peace"...
but the long term effect
is one of no self respect
and thereafter...
getting no respect from them. 

It will increase to no end. 

If you know you are right...
and can show the other person objectively
and convincingly
that they are wrong...

THEY are being stubborn.

They will seek to impose their will upon you...
knowing you will cave.

You will have sold your soul to the devil...
and you shall live your life in hell 
so long as they are in your life.

Apologize correctly and you have the right to expect it in return. 

With this, and only with this...
progress can be made.

Basic respect and fairness to all...
means you have a right to it also.

If more parents taught this....
can you imagine how people would relate to one another?

With fairness.  

The guilty...
knowing they would be called on it...
would be far more careful in the first place. 


Often times people spit out the mindless
and so often incorrectly applied...

Blame Game adage...

or the equally stupid...

"Let's agree to just disagree"

No accountability means no change for the future.


In an objective argument...
one where right and wrong can be established...
it is through mutual cowardice that both "agree to disagree".  

It is in the allowing of the status quo...
that "unresolvable situations" breed
(which the incorrect party counts on in the first place)

Just place a big enough threat and everyone must back down...
because in their minds...to win...or at least to not lose...
is far more important than that which is...
  right.

For the person who is right...
to abdicate moral correctness
is to desert all those whom are dependent
upon the situation changing.  

If even only
for the use of the argument 
as a future reference in their defense.
  
It also demonstrates to those who seek to profit from wrong...
that they have a much better chance of getting away with it...
because no one is there to challenge them and their deception...greed...evil.

Now...
do not get caught up in perceived motives.

It is very difficult for one to know the true motives of another.  

The truest method is over the long term....
their actions...or inactions...
tell what their true intent was.

  Just worry about practical aspects of people.
Were their actions reasonable?  
Would you have done it that way?  
Would their actions lead to immoral results?  
Would harm come from it?  
Is there a better way?  

Think practical aspects of actions or inactions.

Trying to divine motives is very inaccurate in many cases...
it cannot be relied on in any case.

We are talking actions and results....
cause and effect....
these are in the realm of the Objective...
not the Subjective.

If, through your actions or inactions...
regardless of motive....
you cause a loss to another...
you apologize. 

Something so simple
as an inadvertent bump on the shoulder
of someone else...
needs just a simple...
turn of the head or body towards them...
(indicating effort on your part)
looking them in the eyes...
a slight nod of the head...
and the words...
"I'm sorry".

Something demanding greater amends...
the accidental destruction of another's property...
as an example...
the damaged property
should be more than merely replaced.

Look to always give more back than the 
original loss.

Give them a free upgrade (ex).

You will have earned your forgiveness...
and so...
both can move on.

Some will not accept your appropriate apology...
frequently employing political strategies...
securing others' allegiance against you...
and by ignoring you.

It is good to review the situation in your mind...
it means you are a concerned person...you don't wish to offend.
However...
once you have established that you were not the person at fault
or that there was no miscommunication...
you know who was.

It is not your guilt
but theirs.

Should they not reply to you
you will have rid someone from your life 
that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

To worry about something
not of your doing
is an unnecessary drain on you. 

Many people who claim offense 
have no right to feel offended in the first place. 

Just because someone claims to have been offended 
doesn't mean they truly were. 

Certain people go around in life 
trying to get people to owe them
(repay them / owe them allegiance over an imagined offense)...
some out of power...some are bullies
trying to use societal rules as a club...
many do it out of stupidity. 

They lack imagination and critical thinking...
and so...
think all others do.


This is what I do:

 Determine guilty party

 If I am guilty...
I apologize and make it up with interest.

 If they were wrong...
I would expect the same in return as I would have done.

 Should they not reply or apologize...
I would knock them down a notch or two (or off)
on my hierarchy of relationships mental checklist.


A person who strives for goodness

corrects wrong

he then becomes worthy of others.

Goodness attracts Goodness

With appropriate apologies
given and taken...

Life shall become richer

for all involved.

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